#14dayschallenge

I may have not live long enough to know most parts of life. If I were to sit among older generation and have a little chat, there'll be a lot more of things that I don't understand about this life. Relationships, responsibilities, attitude, dreams and countless perspective of life and as we go deeper, it's astonishing to see how beautiful and challenging this short journey is. It's full of emotions and hope and unthinkable discoveries to more sides of life.

To me, life is a short moment that Allah give to breathe on his land, do good among creatures and to fulfill my obligations as a Muslim. It's quite general but I guess it'd be adequate enough to begin with in my quest to find my real identity and my purpose of life.

I thought I've seen enough. Definitely, I was wrong because for every breath that I take every morning and for every chance that Allah let me have for another day that I oftenly overlooked, I see more. I've seen how twisted life is when mothers are scared of their own children with fear of abandonment and oblivion, friends backstabbing each other as they let their ego take over, false accusations and one sided story that leads to unjustice and constant quarrels on social medias about sensitive issues about religion and racism. Everyone is trying to prove that they know everything and powerful enough to win every argument. Flame blazes wildly in our hearts, hot boiling blood rushes to all part of our bodies and we let the fire of arrogance, ego and ignorant win over us.

I am of no exception and if you're reading this, so are you.

We're in the dark for so long and at moment of realization like this - when we don't feel belonged as if something isn't right - we should make a turn from this path. Even if we have to do it for the thousandth times, we should carry on because if we want a change in people and places around us, it has to start from our own self, right?

In the spirit of self-improvement and to put this weak heart at peace so it could beat stronger, I'm making a pledge to change myself and this effort should be documented in my personal journal.

My vision ;
1. Fixing my relationship with my family, friends and teachers. ( for supports in times of struggle)
2. Do daily qiamullail and start reading on tafsir al-Quran. ( for spiritual strength )
3. Gym, cardio and balanced diet ( self-esteem and health )
4. Read more books and sudoku ! ( brain sharpness )

I'm putting myself ready for a #14dayschallenge and I'll see how much difference I could feel. InsyaAllah 🌸

Short Story | Part 4: Trespasser of The Secret Fort

Drops of blood started dripping from her pale, shaky hands. As she continued cutting along the grid of the red paper, she didn't realized the cut on her wrist near her vein until the pain started to sting.

"Ouch!" Aiden frowned and her teeth clenched. She dropped the razor blade she was holding to the floor. It was all smeared with her blood.

She was unafraid with the sight of blood but her anxiety disorder has taken over her. Confused and panicked, but she tried to stand up with the remnant of energy she had to reach her handphone in her bedroom.

"999. What's your emergency?"

"errr I can't move..... fuh..fuh.. and it's hard to breathe." Aiden replied to the emergency operator. Both her eyes rolled to the ceiling as her other hand desperately rubbing against her forehead.

A diamond-looking tear rolled down her cheek, helpless.

"I need help..." her voice was shaky and almost like begging.

Moments later, she passed out before the ambulance came to get her to the hospital.
and the rest was history.

When she woke up in the ward, the doctor came around her bed to tell her that what she just experienced was a symptom of General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) which included the muscle tension, headache and raised blood pressure she was having.

Aiden was well-informed of that disorder that has been haunting her since 5 years ago. She was plainly nodding to the words coming out of the doctor's mouth.

To add up to that, the doctor told Aiden that she was also diagnosed with mild brain aneurysm which is enlargement of the wall of an artery that supplies blood to the brain, more specifically, located at the base of the brain called the circle of Willis. If prolong, she might suffer from stroke or subarachnoid hemorrhage. 

"That's new", Aiden replied as she plastered a weak smile to the doctor. She took a quick glance at a bandage around her wrist. The cut wasn't serious, the doctor has informed her earlier but her psychological response to the incident caused her to be warded for at least 2 days in the hospital.  

Somehow, the doctor had a soothing look on her face that comforted Aiden's heart. A little resemblance of her mother.

"We've tried contacting your parents but it wouldn't only take a few minutes for them to reach here from another state. They were madly worried but it's getting late and  it's going to be a long journey for them, Aiden. I told them to come over by this morning."

Aiden nodded as she understood well. The thought of putting even more burden on her parents' shoulder hurt her even more.

"Tell them I'm okay.", she requested under low voice as she shut her eyes close, trying to get a short nap.

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Aiden woke up when every other patient has fallen asleep into dreamland. The ward was in complete silence. She sneaked out of the ward through the second door which is much further to a desk where some of the nurses and staff were dozing off. 

The first thing she saw as she tiptoed along the hallway was a staircase behind an information board that nobody took heed of. It was a narrow staircase made of steel that only a person can climb on it at a time. She took some small steps to the staircase and started climbing on it, barefooted. 

The moon was bright and the night breeze gushed against her skin like a smooth silk. That's when she realized that she was standing at the edge of the building facing the colourful lights of the city. She was dumbfounded, barely breathing at the right tempo as her eyes wildly looking around. Of all things, she was actually afraid of height.

When she regained her courage again, she continued walking along the narrow path in the dark leading to a spot on the rooftop that was shone with light from the moon. As if the spot was an oasis on a desert, she walked slowly to get there, step by step. 

Suddenly, she stopped.

A guy was obviously shaking as he caught sight of her. His eyes were widely open and his body was static. 

Hesitated, Aiden wasn't sure whether to continue walking to where she headed earlier and casually said 'hey' to that guy or to walk back and away from there and further convinced him that what he saw was actually an unhappy and haunted soul who would compensate her revenge with a body of a young man. 

She increased her pace and approached the young man who was already pale faced as he drew his body backwards even more. His brown eyes was almost teary. Aiden felt bad for him. Judging from his measurements, the guy must be 6'1' in height and if he were to stand up in front of her, he would have to crane down his neck in perfect 90 degrees.

But he was still there, hugging himself at one side of the old sofa but this time with a perplexed expression, probably has started digesting the current situation. His clear skin started showing its colour as he immediately jump off the sofa to stand 10 metres away from Aiden.

Once again, Aiden wasn't sure whether to laugh or simply saying sorry to the guy in front of him for appearing out of blue - while laughing.

She chosed the second option as she showed pieces of laugh she couldn't contain from her bashful smile. At the same time, she waited for the stranger in front of him to speak up but she could clearly see how uncomfortable the guy was as he looked into her eyes. He was not angry or even embarrassed, but his expression was too blank that she couldn't interpret what he was thinking.

"You're not supposed to be here. Ever", he finally spoke up.

"Again, I'm sorry but I was just walking around for fresh air and ..."

"You can get fresh air from other places but not here", he cut off. 

Aiden startled. "Okay.. but may I know why are you here? Are you a doctor in this hospital? Oh and what should I call you?", she continued.

"None of that matters." The guys replied as he raised is eyebrows looking at Aiden from head to toe. "And you shouldn't sneak out of the ward at this hour. Why don't you stop causing troubles here and head back to your bed."

'This guy is too good-looking to become so grumpy', Aiden thought as she kept it silence in her mind. She wasn't sure about the last word that the guy said as her mind was temporarily swayed so she stood still and stared at him for a good few seconds.

"Your bed. Now. I insist"

"Oh.. Okay..", she was finally knocked back to her sense and in seconds, she turned around and started walking back to the path she took earlier heading to one destination that we all know. As she walked, she could feel a sharp gaze tailing her along the way.

Worst Day Ever | Towed Car & Costly Mistakes

'You'll do great', I whispered. ' Just don't screw up', I told myself and for every time I did, I would do the complete opposite of what I remind myself. In some rare occasions, good things still happen unexpectedly and that would be the day you'll see my bright face with the purest smile in the entire world.

"Focus on the bright side," they said. "Be positive!"

YES THAT'S TRUE. Be positive and never talk about the bad things in your life. Pretend it never happened and never learn anything from it? OKAY!

But then where will the truth in life occur? Is it okay to showcase only the rainbow and sunshine and skittles parts of life and tell people that there's no bad things in life that you should be aware of? What if I tell you that bad days are the days you'll learn the most?

I'm not good at storytelling but this will be my first entry of the worst day ever. Bear with me while you read my story and think about how petty the issues I'm facing and how unnecessarily depressed I am over it. I don't care. You can simply browse through other interesting blogs. Come on, do it now.

Still here? What are you expecting?

Oh my God. Still here?

Okay, fine.

This Monday after my classes end, I offered some of friends a lift to the hostel (Varsity lodge) and as usual, every driver will drop passengers in front of a fence that has a small entrance at the end of it. I didn't park my car right away because I was planning to refuel my car so there I was, side-parking my car in front of the fence. After dropping them except this one friend of mine, Keba, who was nice enough to accompany me to the Petronas, I changed the gear to 1 and started pressing the accelerator.

'SCREECHHH!!!'

The sound was loud enough to make my chinese girl friend, Tati, whom I just dropped off to look back at me, with a shocked face.

As if her reaction was not enough, I continued pressing the accelerator and 'SCREEEEECHH!!!', that sound was heard once again before the car got back on the road. 'It was perhaps a scratch', I thought so I continued driving before stopping my car by the junction right before getting into the main road. I got off my car and quickly went checking the 'scratched' part.

A scratch, my ass.

The dent was quite big and inwards, causing the passenger's door not being able to open wide. It was blocked.

And here's the thing scratching my car.

I was my fault for parking very near to the yellow thing tho. It was also my kegelabahan for continuing my drive upon hearing the first screech. 

That night, I searched for all the bengkel ketuk kereta I could find in Puchong, Serdang or Cyberjaya and finally resorted to the one in Puchong. One more thing, I decided not to tell my parents and I was so bloody sure that I could handle everything on my own. My decision inflicted with my guilt towards my dad because he repainted, vacuum cleaned and washed the car so it looked brand new for me to use. As for my mother, a protective one, she was very paranoid to let me drive especially in KL. She said she can't face the consequences if I ever got into a serious accident and get injured and couldn't be able to live up my dream as a surgeon. You see, if I tell her about this, I'll never regain her trust and most probably never driving again!

Today, my biology teacher had a meeting during the afternoon so the class was rescheduled to the morning session and it ended at 12 pm. Having no friend to accompany me, I was determined to drive to Puchong guided by the mobile navigation following the location that the repair guy sent to me. Waze or Google Map would be my main options but the shop's location didn't feature in any of the system so I had no choice. My phone battery was at 35%. 

After 20 minutes, I reached the location that the repair guy sent to me and it was a furniture shop. I knew that the whatsapp location accuracy was not that good so I was able to remain calm and called the guy. I described my location and his instruction was clear, "Tunggu di Shell kat depan tu. Nanti saya datang" so off I went to the Shell, fueled up my car and waited for awhile. While waiting, I checked on my whatsapp and noticed that the guy had resent a new location. 'Probably the actual location to the workshop', I thought so i started driving, passed a toll and that's when he called.

"Dik, kat mana?" 

I replied, "kat tol, bang. Saya ikut location abang hantar ni"

"Oh ok adik u-turn, lepas jambatan dan sungai, adik tunggu kat tepi jalan"

Again, the instruction was clear but again, my brain was not functioning the way it should have so I drove straight, looked for a bridge and the river he was talking about. At that time, I was going too far from the actual place. I called him again and described my location. He told me to stay there as he would come and show me the way. 

I was at the side of the road, under the scorching sun, sweating hard and haven't realized my mistake. While waiting, I scrolled through my phone and my friend, Syah started texting me and asked about the car's progress. I turned off the engine and as I was about to reply his message, a big hot cloud of smoke came out from my car's bonnet. The smell was strong and I could not see anything from inside. I was freaking out so bad. 

I started driving again despite my car's condition and stopped at a parking space in front of 'Pusat Perdagangan IOI' building, waited for a few more minutes and a new problem went up. My phone battery was at 5%. The repair guy was having a hard time finding my car and I couldn't drive to him and not being able to call him would be such a big problem. Luckily enough, there were 2 young Indian guys were passing by and were kind enough to ask me if I needed any help. They didn't have a power bank but they told me that they can stay there until the repair guy came and I can use his phone in the meantime. A few minutes after that, my repair guy arrived. 

That was a small act of kindness but I was sooo touched by it. 10% elevated mood, but 10% of that quickly went downhill when the repair guy told me that a part of my engine coolant pecah. I was definitely scared as I looked at him with a pale face. " Berapa ringgit agak-agak kena ni, bang?"

My car was then towed to the workshop. An uncle whose name was later discovered as Pak Di was in charge to fix the coolant and he told me that my coolant cannot be fixed by part but it had to be replaced entirely as it was a 'made in China' product. He offered to use a better coolant with the same price but might cost a little bit more because he had to change to the 'tapak' for installation. We made a little more negotiation and he stated clear that he could finish the work by today so I waited there while reading my biology notes. I was tired and the place was noisy. There wasn't much thing that I could absorb at that time.

To cut things short, my car was fixed with new coolant and fan and the dented part has been 'ketuk' back to its shape but I refused to repaint the car because it might takes another day. Pak Di, Pak Cik Qahar, the young guy who had to find me and my car, and 3 other Pak Ciks have been such a great help. They were really soothing and the fact that they understood my financial status as a student was relieving. Pak Di told me that he felt moved to help me because I looked like one of his nieces (the perk of having a common face)

By the way, the towing cost me RM 100, new coolant and fan cost RM 220 and the dented part costs RM 50. Overall, it costs me RM370 when initially, I was just planning to repair the dented part and repaint it. 

(Ya Allah, if there is one reason on why this whole thing happened, please make it something that's best for me :')))

Check this place out! It's cheap and the guys are nice.

Btw here are the things I learnt as of today,

1. Park accordingly and do it slowly. Don't protude too much to the right or the left. 

2. Check the car's temperature regularly. Any slight increase might require us to stop by the road to let it cool.

3. Make sure your phone battery is full whenever you're out alone and at a new place.

4. Don't hesitate to call and ask for clearer explanation. Don't focus too much on not wanting to annoy someone. 

5. Plan an organized journey. Make sure the car is fully fueled and T&G card should have enough money especially for long journey.

6. Don't try to be a smartass. Tell your parents about your mistakes. They don't bite.

7. Listen to instructions carefully. 

Short Story | Part 3: The Night of An End

"Why isn't Aiden joining?" Lan asks, pointing his question to the two girls sitting opposite him at the dinner table. They didn't answer right away as their eyes directed to glasses and plates that have been emptied since 2 hours ago. Smokes from cigarettes and flavoured 'shisha' permeates the atmosphere at the mamak restaurant. It was getting late that night but around them, there are several circle of people still chit-chatting, laughing and all other forms of life who are enjoying their food or simply being there to get some 'fresh' air.

"She's probably doing her revision." One of the girl replies while shoving some peanuts into her mouth. She chews the contents in her mouth and before she even swallow it, she shove another round of peanuts into her mouth, and chews again.

"Eat slowly, Lina. You're such a fat-ass." The other guy called Riza mocks the girl while throwing a peanut on her face. Lina shrugs, annoyed.

"I'm not feeling well, guys. Let's head back to our hostel now, shall we?" The other girl suddenly voices out, not amused with her friends' jokes. She straight away leaves the table and walks to the cashier to pay for the bill.

"Wait up, Mel!" Lan shouts as the three of them followed along to the cashier to pay for their bills.

Back at the hostel, Lina and Mel tip-toes into the room, not wanting to wake up other housemates in the apartment. They pass by the kitchen and notice a splatter of liquid on the floor. It was really dark as the light has already been turned off so they could not see clearly but the smell was familiar and it was strong. For a while, they look at each other for awhile and try to fathom what is actually happening. As if they are telepathing their thoughts, both their eyes go completely wide as they started panicking. Lina quickly switches on the light beside her and in front of them, they are seeing a a small splatter of blood on the floor and a few footprints of it leading to a room.

"Aiden!!!" Both of them shriek hysterically.

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The moon was bright and the gushing of night breeze rushed on his face, giving him chill and tranquil. With his closed eyes, he inhales deeply and exhales slowly while tugging himself tighter in his white coat. The view of the entire city from the rooftop is vivid and picturesque. While enjoying the view and the breeze, he was sitting on an old sofa that he dragged from the hospital store to the rooftop in which he was surprised that no one caught him doing such business. From that moment, he becomes more assured that no one is going to come and trespass his serenity spot, his favourite place and his little escapade- the hospital rooftop.

'Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars'

His favourite song, 'Fly Me to The Moon' by Frank Sinatra starts playing from his Iphone's speaker, filling the night ambience with the classical song. He has another 15 minutes before his night shift making rounds at the patients' wards. He closes his eyes for a moment and tried to doze off for a couple of minutes but before he managed to do it, he feels uneasy. The instinct of being watched suddenly creeping up his back.

He quickly opens his eyes and realize that there is a lady standing at the other side of the rooftop, behind a dark shadow as she fidgets with her shaking fingers, hesitating.

It has been 6 months since he was posted to this hospital and ever since, he never caught someone else on the rooftop with him. At that moment of time, all the stories of unhappy souls who passed away in the hospital, gallivanting around the hospital and haunting people, as told by his senior doctors fill his mind. He never believes it but as the lady behind the shadow starts taking her steps towards him, his eyeballs are at the midst of getting out of their sockets.

He starts shaking.

Decision Making | Medicine or Engineering?

Hi earthlings!

so recently, I've received a comment like this.

And in case you've read some of my posts, you would know about my dilemma in choosing whether to do these two fields. Here's something you need to know about my case because your case might differ. I've always wanted to do medicine since I was little but when I reached 16 years old and when I was in Form 4, I realized that Physics and Add maths were interesting and easy for me. On the other hand, I took a longer time to understand what we learnt in SPM Biology and even though I got A+ for that subject in SPM, I'm still doubting myself because I always get A- in other internal examinations. 

In order to make the decision, I listed down all the pros and cons for each field to make it more clearly when discussing with my family. One more thing that you need to know about my case is that I was also considering the two scholarships offered which were PETRONAS and JPA. Both of them were too precious to me, therefore please don't think that the decision that I had to make was easy. In fact, it was the toughest one I've made in my whole life :')


I made a list of pros and cons of both courses so I can see more clearly the pathway that I would be living in for another 5 years ahead, firstly, I made some research on each field. Dig up a deeper information of what mechanical engineers do, their internship, where they'll be working, the positions they have before becoming a senior mechanical engineer, their starting-off salaries. I did the same for medicine as well, graduating with Gred41 after 2 years housemanship, 4 years as MO before deciding whether to further studies for sub-specialization. Medicine field would surely take the longest time in becoming a specialist but after all it would be worth it, right? Simply said, you can't easily have a small picture of what doctors and engineers do like 'doctors have to cut and fix patients' body', 'engineers create and fix machines' only. That kind of knowledge is not even close to enough yet. You need to imagine yourself doing what they're doing for a day. Think of the journey as a student in the years of studies, can you keep up with the subjects? Anatomy and body defense mechanism or applied maths and physics?

You should count these aspects;
1. Duration of studies
2. Your interest in biology & chem subjects (if you want to do medic) and to physics, chem and add maths (if it's engineering)
3. What do doctors and engineers do. Which lifestyle do you want?
4. Assess yourself for what kind of career that suits you. You can take the tests on internet.
5. Last but the most important thing is, your passion. Which career has motivated you since the beginning and that you'd stick with it until the end bcs you know you'll be happy with it?

I'm not sure whether this post would help much but all the best in making your decision friends! Hopefully, you won't be too optimist (read: overestimate yourself) or too paranoid (read: underestimate yourself) when making the decision.

Someday, we should sit down and have coffee once all of this educational dilemma is over.
Signing off, xoxo

Short Story | Part 2: Lonely Weekends

She opens her heavy eyes.

The room is too bright with the lights on and the fan is spinning at maximum speed parallel to her, comfy enough to doze her off for the second time to the dreamland.

"What time is it?" She asks herself while looking at the clock. 11.30 P.M.

She pulls herself up, feeling a bit dizzy only to realize that she had been sleeping on the floor all this while, with her telekung on. While struggling to stand up, she pulls off her telekung and starts folding her prayer mat to the side, clearing the way between the two beds in that small room.

The swimming drill was probably too tiring that she went blackout right after her Ishak prayer but now, she's feeling fresh and ready to do her tasks. Oh wait.. but before that...

Her stomach growls.

This is for 1000th times of regret that she feels like slamming her head on the wall for skipping her breakfast and lunch. Her eating routine is not an exemplary act as a future doctor. 'I'm not hungry', 'I'll get some food at home', 'I'll buy myself dinner', she said but now, she's sitting on her bedside, looking at the clock with a sad face. No restaurants around her hostel area are open past 10 PM and her stomach could not starve any longer.

At times like this, she wonders where her roommate and housemates are. They're probably outside with their usual group of friends, having a proper dinner while chit-chatting until past midnight. They must be laughing and enjoying the company of funny people in the group, feeling of being accepted and celebrated by the crowds. At times like this, she wonders,

is she invisible to them?

She stood up and walks to the kitchen to get some water to freshen her throat. Then, she opens the fridge door, scanning through it before setting her eyes at one part of the compartment. Her dinner. She grabs two raw eggs from the egg shelve, boils them in a water-filled pot using the induction cooker and after a few minutes, the hard-boiled eggs are completely cooked. After several more steps, she had her mashed hard-boiled egg with mayonnaise ready on the dinner table. Voila! There goes her personal recipe that she thought her mom would be proud of. The dinner was done in less than 15 minutes and after doing the dishes, she went to her study table.

'It's okay to be lonely at times', as she starts flipping through her physics lecture notes.

'You don't need friends to know your worth. You can be happy on your own', the voice in her mind continues as she unzipped her stationary case.

'What's the point of spending hours of your time doing something you don't like just so you can fit in
?' This time she already have her pen in between her fingers, spinning around between her index and middle finger. She's thinking.

A polaroid photo of three smiling girls, embracing each other so dearly suddenly attracts her. It was glued on the white wall in front of her desk, placed in between the sticky notes of Le Chatier principle and some basic rules of integration that she wrote a few days ago.

The photo was taken only a month ago, when everything was going exactly the way she wanted. She couldn't remember where they were at that time but she knew that she was feeling happy at that time. She missed that moment although it probably was just a false sense of feeling belonged and accepted.

Sometimes, she hated herself for what happened and for being too demanding, selfish and anxious. She overthinks for every single second she spares in her nights, thinking of any other way she could do to reverse the time she screwed up. The time when she thought she needed a space for herself, also when she thought it was the transition time to find friends of the same momentum and same goals.

She's too kiasu and as much as her friends told her about it being her strength, she knows that it's also her greatest weakness, especially when it comes to friendship.

And now she's at her study table, distracted by the loneliness that's eating her up every weekends while the sound of her spinning table fan occupying the empty room and the chilliness filling her empty heart.

For a moment, her eyes suddenly focus on a shiny razor blade in her pencil case.

Short Story | Part 1: Underwater Thought

The water was warm that night, as usual.

She gasped for breath on the surface of the water as her chest rose up and down vigorously. She held her foggy goggle on her forehead, letting her eyes set with a clearer vision on the dark purplish sky. The cloud was no more to be seen and at the side of the swimming pool, she could only listen to gushing of water as it flowed into the outlet, down the drain before getting reheated and flowed back into the pool. Cloudy, her vision. 

"What a mess," she murmured under her breath as tears rolled down her red cheeks, feeling hot. 

Once again after God knows how many times, she held her goggle back, covering her red puffy eyes while inhaling deeply at the same time. With closed eyes, she plunged herself underwater and started to release bubbles of air slowly bit by bit until her body remain static, not floating back to the surface. She remained underwater, with her eyes now wide open, in a cross-legged sitting position.

All she saw was a clear space around her and as she looked further, the shades become darker until she can't see anything. Clearly, no one else was in the swimming pool with her. For a moment, she enjoyed the solitude when no one can see and control what she do. 

10 seconds passed, and she was still holding her breath tight. Seconds after, her lung felt squeezed and gasping for air but she remained in her position. This time, with her eyes shut.

In her mind, everything that happened above the water, in her life, continued playing like a fast-forwarded video. It kept replaying over and over again and that made her so angry. She hold her fist tight as her forehead puckered, her heart beat faster. 

"Time's up," a voice in her head whispered and in less than a second, she pulled herself to the surface, gasping for oxygen she owed on her lung and muscles. Her heart was still beating fast and her face had turned totally pink and hot. 

The feeling of suffocated, hot and oppressed that she felt at the moment was not something uncommon. They were pretty much similar to her life on land, she thought. Crazy how when you're living a life as a normal human being, doing whatever other people is doing and thinking, but the only difference is that you're feeling drowned but you can see other people breathing so perfectly. 

She scoffed a small laughter. 

"What a mess,"

She pulled herself out of the pool and off to the changing room. A moment later, she already had her clothes and hijab on as she walked back to her hostel.

It's been a while.

Hi, I'm Syahirah Omar and as much as I try to make a cool, jargon-filled opening for this post, I know I failed terribly.

So here's my first post for 2017.

Months have passed super super fast and it's already in the middle of April. Only God knows how my life goes like. Busy? Hectic? or Happy? Excited? God knows.
One thing I know for sure was how much I learnt from whatever that happened.

I have a lot of thing to share about my life, especially the terrible dilemma parts when I was being adorably fickle-minded about my life decision. Yes, I'm a self-proclaimed adorable mess.

Last year, in 2016, after I received my SPM result, and ALSO after I received some scholarship offers in which I had some hard times deciding on which one to take, (not intending to sound ungrateful. Alhamdulillah for the offers, I love all of them but surely I had to make decisions to pick out one of them duhhh) Well, I picked medicine.

On May, I registered myself in a college called Kolej Teknologi Timur to do 2 years of A-levels under JPA-MARA sponsorship. After over a month there, I realized that I wasn't feeling happy about that place since the first time I set my first step there. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY. I mean my friends there are super nice, witty and funny (legit loving them so muchieee), the lecturers are great and they are the ultimate miracle workers. Well, the seniors told us that but even without them telling, I knew it after having classes with them for a month.

So after a few processes with withdrawal forms and the check outs and some payments that needed to be made, I left the college and enrol in other university, Cyberjaya University College of Medical Sciences. Here, I'm doing my Foundation in Science while being sponsored by JPA bursary. How's my life here? Hmm probably will need new entry for that haha.

I'm about to finish my foundation in June and InsyaAllah I'm planning to pursue my medical degree in other university under JPA scholarship. While it haven't been decided yet, I'm living my current life through semester 4 which will commence in a another 1 week.

Everything has been great. Great. Such a vague one-word description of 'everything' wasn't it? All my ups and downs, mental exhaustion, hectic schedule, unstable emotions and problems with friends and grades? I'd say that those are parts of life. Spices of the curry of life. Because in the end, the spicy, sweet and hotness of the curry will only matters. Therefore, I can really say that everything has been great!

'There's time when I think all these efforts will go vain.
Tired and perhaps all the distractions.
Allah will help me, that whisper goes.'

Signing off. xoxo